V. ecessions of the rame

How to Break your Contraption into Little Pieces

A typical Contraption can be disintegrated into several subassemblies. The most basic such subassembly is the chassis or frame. To the frame are generally attached one or more distinguishing objects that delineate the functionality of the Contraption. These are known as modules or, for entirely inexplicable reasons, so-called mundanes. Any Contraption requires some kind of driving force to provide cohesiveness and dynamism. Thus the last subassembly is the charging system. There is some debate about the origin of that term. Some have it that it has its origin in the kinds of big horses that knights used to ride into battle, while others of a more modern influence contend that the term originates from a method to revive sleeping horses—to jump-start them, as it were.

Contraptions may have Frames of one of three basic varieties: The Flatiron, the Hub, and the Suppository.

The Frame can be broken into pieces with any of several methods known as Secessions of the Frame. It is recommended that only one* secession be applied. Too many Secessions can render the Frame entirely unusable for the basis of a Contraption. Such a Frame is variously known by Harolds as a Dented Body, Warped Undercarriage, or—worst of all—a Broken Frame.

Each of the basic Secessions has a Superlative Variant:

Secessions and their Superlative Variants

• per pale / more per pale, or “beyond the pale”
• per fess / more per fess, or “per fesser”
• per bend / more per bend, or “round the bend”
• per cross / more per cross, or “per vexed”

Each of the Secessions and its Superlative Variant has a corresponding Module or so-called Mundane:

Modules and there Superlative Variants

• pale / more pale, or “blanched”
• fess / more fess, or “fester”
• bend / more bend, or “bender”
• cross / more cross, or “angry”

A common variant of the bend, the bend sinister, is commonly associated with excellent taste in clothes and interior décor. The common assumption is that the association is linked with German and French slang terms best translated as “from the other shore” or “from the left shore.” In fact, no such distinction exists. Diligent research by this writer has uncovered that while about ten percent of the beknighted royalty of the Middle Ages is distinguished by excellent taste in clothes and interior décor, the distribution of bends and bends sinister shows no correlation with taste**.

Charging Systems are the most complex part of Haroldry, which makes sense considering that they provide much of the individuality found in Haroldic contraptions.

The Rule of Obfuscation is terribly important for all potential submittors of unsuitable badgers, gimmicks, and contraptions to learn. Stated simply, any given Haroldic sign must be sufficiently different from every other Haroldic sign that a novice Harold could tell the difference between them while looking at the backs of the shields they’re painted on while blindfolded in a different room with the doors closed and the shades drawn.

*Or at most two if you really have to, but that’s pushing it.

**The assumption is, of course, entirely false, for it is immediately obvious that anyone with any taste at all wouldn’t be caught dead with a badger, gimmick, or contraption in the first place.

Next: The Harold’s Word is the King’s Word: Haroldry on Field, Parking Lot, and Runway