Jockwoof’s Guide to Athletic Supporters and Protective Cups

ASJS: Troll Wildlife Refuge

Jocks

Introduction

Attention usenet visitors. This area has been declared a troll wildlife refuge. To learn about the troll, its habitat, and its way of life, please read the sign-post below. If you would like to learn more about the troll, you can pick up books and souvenirs in the gift shop at the end of the tour. Thank you in advance for observing all troll wildlife refuge rules. Have a nice day.

Physical Characteristics

The common woodland troll (Trollus Useneticus) is an approximately 1.7m long nocturnal furry creature that has been found to exist in nearly every climate and latitude. Predominant features includea very pale complexion, a large bony ridge above the eyes, a dense cranium, dragging knuckles, and a pungent odor.

Habitat

Most trolls spend the daylight hours under a large rock sleeping. Unfortunately, the natural habitat of the troll has been encroached by development (as is all too common these days). The modern troll has to make due with a slimy, moss covered rock. Often, trolls are forced to endure poor sanitation and filthy living conditions. Combined with the general lack of hygiene among trolls, this results in a very unpleasant odor.

Activities And Diet

During their active period at night, the common troll engages in numerous activities, though the most important of these is foraging for food. The one characteristic that ties all different troll species and sub-species together is their diet. Trolls invariably survive off of a combination of cheetos, arguments, and annoying others. A typical troll requires approximately 10 arguments and flames per day just to stay alive. With the increasing use of killfiles and just regular ignoring of trolls, it has become more and more difficult for trolls to eke out a basic sustenance.

Known Predators

Unfortunately, trolls have many predators. Most common among them are the helpful researcher, the informative poster, the cool headed responder, and the kill-filer. The cool header responder is technically not a troll predator however. Trolls are typically unfazed by logical counter arguments and cool headed reason. However, even though their posts do not deliver the same level of sustenance that a "flamer" or an "annoyed poster" may provide, they still provide a valuable source of dietary fiber for the troll.

The most dangerous predators for the trolls are the helpful researcher, the informative poster, and the kill-filer. The common troll is highly allergic to fact, real data, and research. Upon skin contact with actual hard evidence and real data, the troll will experience intense itching and burning at the site of contact, followed by lesions and blisters. Eventually, this results in loss of skin near the area of contact, and usually to loss of a limb (in the example of contact near the arm or leg). Contact with facts and data near the facial area usually results in a slow painful death. Contact with extremely high doses of fact and hard data can cause temporary loss of consciousness and even permanent brain damage for the troll.

The kill-filer poses a much more insidious threat to the troll. Not posing a direct threat to the troll per se, the kill-filer simply deprives the troll of yet another source of nourishment. Some trolls have developed counter measures to thwart the kill-filers, usually this takes the form of a type of camoflage.

The trolls' predators have reaped a terrible slaughter over the years, resulting in the death of great hordes of trolls. Trolls continue to breed rapidly though and their population is stable. However, it is unknown how long this situation can persist. Eventually, natural predators and poachers may result in lower numbers of trolls. Already we are seeing lower diversity among the different troll species. That is why this troll habitat refuge exists, to ensure the preservation of the troll for not only our future, but the future of our children.

Sponsors

This troll habitat refuge has been paid for in part by the Anti Troll-Defamation League, the International Society for the Advancement of Trolls, and the Troll Habitat Preservation Alliance.
 

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